Wow. First of all, I'd like to thank the Dillon Empire, without whom I wouldn't be here. It's times like these where I'm reminded of sweet orphans, disabled unicorns, and free trade--who clearly inspired this piece. People won't want me to speak out about the unicorns especially, so I feel really brave. It's vital to use this stage to take a stand. I want to thank all of those unicorns, who have been silenced for so long--while I haven't done much to help you or ever donated my time to your cause, I have posted about your plight & am fiercely noble in my endeavor to mention you in a short speech. Woah--don't play me off! I'd like to thank Simon Dillon who works so tirelessly to find the best among the 972000 pieces about how amazing a writer finds him or herself, how they made $7.2k on Medium in October, and why the Medium MWC was obviously rigged. I...SOB...am beyond thankful for his wisdom, selflessness, and courage. Thank you so much for featuring my work here. Free trade for all!

Thanks for the shout-out, my friend! I'm in esteemed, fantastic company and can't wait to read the pieces I haven't yet seen.