I worked for Rudin’s doppelganger as a young twenty-something in Hollywood (whose name I won’t mention here, but whose abusive, deplorable attitude toward anyone but “the talent"/ above line names is legendary ). I saw him make grown, powerful men cry. He had great, sweet, and effusive moments as well.. And, as a young, non-powerful woman, I said nothing either. I came to see amiable, professional producers & directors as unicorns. I truly thought this was part & parcel of gatekeepers, and that I just needed to thicken my skin. This is just to say--you need to let yourself off of the hook a bit. Thanks for an honest piece.